The Cycle of Domestic Violence
I saw this picture on Facebook today and i was just compelled to write about domestic violence; it is a virus that i hate with every being of me. There is not one universally accepted definition of domestic violence; the Asia Pacific Forum on Women, Law and Development (1990) defined it as "any act involving the use of force or coercion with an intent of perpetuating or promoting hierarchical gender relations". Other definitions focus on harm caused by violence, in the belief that such harm reinforces women's subordination whether or not this was the intention of the perpetrator. Some authors such as Francine Pickup state that defining domestic violence within a marriage and other intimate relationships is particularly difficult since women do not universally recognize which violence is abuse. Some women understand violence to be a vital part of the relationship. I know i once heard a woman saying "monna ea sa nkotleng eena ha a nrate" (translated: a man who does not beat me, does not love me); because such women equate jealousy and violence to a husband's vital sign of commitment to the relationship. Patriarchy and other cultural norms have also been known to contribute to domestic violence. It is, however, widely accepted that domestic violence leads to one of these outcomes: homicide or femicide.
There is one question that is often asked the victims of domestic violence: why don't or didn't leave? For some women, it is easy to leave but for others it is not and this is based on various reasons. They say until you cross the bridge, you should be careful not to judge and maybe they are right because ultimately it a subjective decision. The research on the cycle of violence was carried out by Women and Law in Southern Africa:Mozambique and they laid it as follows:
The beginning: the abusive husband creates and controls the situations and justifies the abuse because he blames the woman for having failed to fulfill some duty.
The abuse: with time, anything would give the husband a reason to use violence as a form of expressing power and control over his wife, and the emotional and physical abuse will increase each day.
Fear of the consequence: sometimes, the husband may show remorse or give excuses for his behaviour, for example, the use of alcohol. He promises never to do it again. The purpose is to ensure that it is kept a secret.
Reasoning: the abusive husband excuses his behaviour and transfers the blame from himself to the wife. His reasoning is based on the right that he grants himself to control his wife; if sh does not respond as she should, then he has the right-duty to correct her.
Continued emotional abuse: emotional abuse always accompanies and usually precedes physical ill-treatment. This may severely affect the woman's self-esteem as well as her perspective of external reality. it starts with "jokes" in poor taste about the woman's habits and flaws; it goes to insults and constant humiliation and may culminate into nervous breakdown for the wife; she may commit suicide.
Continued physical abuse: initially, it may come as a surprise and may be something as little as a pinch. However, when this is repeated, it becomes more violent and direct to certain parts of the body, such as the face. When the abuse becomes outright violence, there is a use of objects at hand, wounds are caused that require medical attention and may disable or disfigure the wife. It culminates in her murder or in her killing the husband.
It is appreciated from the cycle that, by the time the abuse gets down-right nasty, the woman would have lost a sense of reason, self-worth and hope. It then becomes difficult to think rationally and make correct decisions.
As shown above, other factors still contribute to the decision to say such as cultural norms and economic status of the victim. We must remember that the decision to leave or stay is subjective and we must not be too quick to judge. As matters stand, there is hardly any policy that provides protection for victims of abuse. Even the police hardly intervene on the basis that it is a "private matter" which is something i never understand because physical abuse is assault and assault is a criminal offence.
Consequently, we need a law concerning domestic violence and we need it yesterday. Women also need to be sensitized to know that abuse is wrong, it is not their fault and it is ok to walk away.
References:
Francine Pickup etal. Ending Violence Against Women. 2001. Information Press: Eynsham. p15
Power and Violence: Homicide and Femicide in Mozambique. 2001. Women and Law in Southern Afroca Research Trust (WLSA) Mozambique. p37
Sehapi Relebohile. 2006. The Plight of Battered Women and the Law that Condemns Them: A Need for Legal Intervention.
